Is This Love or Just Vibes? How to Spot Real Intentions Early

In the era of DMs, soft life and “hey stranger” messages, it can be hard to tell who is serious and who just wants gist when they’re bored. Many people in Naija and the diaspora are tired of situationships that never turn into anything real. So how do you know if someone is genuinely interested in building with you… or just passing time?

In this post, we’ll break down the difference between vibes and intentions and the signs to look out for in the first few weeks.

1. Consistency vs convenience

Anyone can be sweet when they’re in the mood. Real interest shows up in consistency.

Signs of convenience:

• They message only late at night or when they’re lonely.

• They disappear for days, then come back with “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”

• They never plan ahead; everything is last-minute.

Signs of consistency:

• They check in during the day, not just at “are you awake?” hours.

• They remember things you’ve said and follow up.

• They make time for you even when life is busy, not just when it’s easy.

You don’t need 24/7 messaging – you need patterns that say, “You matter to me.”

2. Clarity about what they want

Many people avoid this conversation because they don’t want to “scare the person away.” But if someone runs just because you calmly ask, “What are you looking for?” they were never staying.

Green flags:

• They can say, in simple words, what they want (dating intentionally, relationship, still figuring things out but open to something serious).

• Their actions match what they say. “I want something serious” is followed by real effort, not just talk.

Red flags:

• “Let’s just see what happens” forever.

• They get angry or defensive when you ask about intentions.

• They want all the benefits of a relationship but avoid the word “relationship.”

You’re not asking for a marriage proposal. You’re asking for honesty.

3. How they handle boundaries

Boundaries are where true character shows.

• If you say, “I don’t do sleepovers yet,” do they respect that or start sulking?

• If you say, “I’m not ready to share certain details,” do they push harder or give you space?

Someone who respects boundaries is telling you, “Your comfort is important to me, even if it means I don’t get my way.” That’s the foundation of a healthy relationship.

4. Integration into their real life

Early on, people often live in “chat bubble world.” But over time, real intentions show in how they connect you with their world.

Positive signs:

• They talk about real-life plans: “We should try that restaurant,” “Let’s go to that event.”

• You slowly hear about their friends, work, family and responsibilities.

• After some time, they’re open to you meeting someone from their circle (or at least seeing them in real spaces, not only indoors).

Worrying signs:

• Everything must be secret or hidden.

• Months pass and you don’t know any real details about their life.

• They shut down any talk that moves you from “vibe” to “real person.”

5. Are you also showing your intentions?

Sometimes it’s not that they are unserious – it’s that both of you are busy acting cool and pretending not to care.

Ask yourself:

• Do you communicate clearly or rely on hints?

• Do you cancel and reschedule a lot, then complain that people don’t take you seriously?

• Are you open to being known, or are you hiding behind banter?

You deserve someone whose intentions are steady and honest. But they also deserve the same from you.

Closing

Real intentions aren’t about grand gestures or expensive gifts. They’re about clarity, consistency and respect. When you know what you want and learn to spot these patterns early, you spend less time in confusing situationships and more time building something that can last.

Image ideas for this post (16:9, Lagos)

1. Hero image (top of blog):

   • Prompt: “16:9 ultra-realistic photo of a young Nigerian couple in their mid-20s sitting at an outdoor café in Lagos in the evening, one looking unsure while the other is checking their phone, soft city lights in the background, modern casual outfits, mood of reflection and uncertainty.”

2. Mid-post image (boundaries section):

   • Prompt: “16:9 ultra-realistic photo of a Nigerian woman in Lagos standing by a railing on a rooftop, calmly talking and using hand gestures while a man listens, respectful body language, warm sunset, city skyline behind them.”